Journal about Rambling


Written by Huang, posted on March 12, 2023

As quiet there, I can speak aloud.



– The article is long-winded, because I can not take control of English or my thoughts.

Obviously, the try to write a structured essay failed, which is similar to the failure when I initially write blogs: I want to build a technical blog but “dairy” blog.

In case of the failure, I will not write for a specific topic in this essay. Every word in this essay is from my wandering thoughts that are spontaneous. Same as before, no attention will be paid on the diversity of vocabularies or structures.


Para 1


To study abroad and apply for master programs, I need to meet the CEFR C1 standard, which is equivalent to a score of 6.5 to 7.5 on the IELTS exam. For now, my IELTS band scores are estimated as 6.0 for listening, 7.0 for reading, 5.5 for writing, 4.5 for speaking. That is: I have not met the standard, especially speaking and writing. Therefore, I am working on it as you can see.

Let us go back home, rambling is a method I learnt from a YouTuber in China who also came up with “philosopher” to improve speaking English. Same as in Chinese writing, I will misinterpret the meaning of a terminology intentionally.

Rambling is from ramble that original meaning is to walk for pleasure. However, the word “rambling” in this article means to speak aloud what I am thinking about without hesitation. At the beginning of speaking practice, I can not even finish a complete sentence. After practicing one hour a day for two days, I find myself speaking more fluently, although just simple sentences. Nevertheless, it works.

I do not want to share the experience of English learning.

Para 2

When I walk alone.By the way, listen to a song by Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams. It occurs to me that this song perfectly matches the mental condition where I was.

Yesterday and the day before yesterday, I went to university town stadium to do rambling practice. The narration will be in two parts ordered by time.

The day before yesterday:

I took a walk to the stadium with many times of encountering to others. Along the way to the playground, I walked alone and started my rambling practice. The bad pronunciation and the inability of speaking a sentence fluently shocked me a lot. For example, when I saw a bat flying in the air, I wanted to explain why bats and rats look alike and how bats identify obstructions, which was hard for me to explain.

Anyway, I reached the second level of the auditorium of the playground. It was dark there and I could easily hear the music of the runners. And obviously, they could listen to my rambling. I felt a bit shy and continued the rambling reluctantly. If there was an Other [大他者] watching us, it must laugh out.

After about an hour, I waited the travelling bus. Fortunately, it did not take a long time, only two minutes. Three students got off while I got on alone.

I could see nobody on the bus; the scenery caught by my vision flashed quickly: the weak lighting, the construction site, the logo of university… The failure also attacked me again; it reminded me that I could not communicate with others in English. However, I did not care about that and began to listen to music.

Let me talk it clearly. As QQ Music recommends daily 30 songs according to the recommendation algorithm, there is no need for me to find new songs. I scanned the song list and chose one - backfire by Lana Del Rey. It is not the one of the best songs of Lana, but at the moment I found it was just brilliant.

I’ve been waiting on your love

Baby, for too long now, too long now

I thought that I could change you like the others

But I don’t know how, don’t know how

It’s gonna backfire

By the way, I learnt a new word “backfire”.

One by one, the recommended songs hovering in my mind, I leaned against the window and watched out like in the prison. The bus stopped in every station, even there was no one getting on. I started rambling in Chinese: the thoughts occurred spontaneously. I am lonely on the bus, what about the driver? I did not know the answer.

Close to the start/end station, a song grabbed my thought - Pretty In Pain by Diane Birch. Normally, I would not pay attention to songs of this style. However, on the bus, as soon as the song started, I found myself fully immersed in it. And it is interesting that the name of the album is “Speak A Little Louder” that might be another metaphor.

Para 3


There were three main differences between the two day:

  1. I took bus to stadium instead of walking
  2. I reached the highest level of the auditorium and spoke more fluently
  3. I walked back to dormitory instead of taking bus

The second point is the important one. There was quiet and the scenery was great; I could speak anything I want at any volume. However, there was also disadvantage: it is easy to commit suicide there. When I was rambling, “suicide” appeared many times and always ended with “I do not want to commit suicide there”. Nevertheless, it might be scary and a hidden danger. By the way, there was a chair here with less dust. There must be somebody crying there, and I could felt the sadness while seating in the shabby chair.


No summary here.

Comment Area in Telegram Channel